It's Been Awhile

I haven't written anything in a long time.  So much has happened in the past month and a half.  I went to Vegas for a wedding, my Great Aunt Cherie died, my car went to crap, and got myself a boyfriend.

The Vegas trip was awesome.  I got to spend 5 days with my best friends and watch one of them get married.  I was so happy to be a part of this wedding.  You know how sometimes you go to a wedding and you know it's a big waste of time and money because the marriage won't last 6 months?  This was not like that at all.  These two have been through hell and you can see it in their eyes when they look at each other that they're supposed to be together.  Cheesy?  Yeah.  Totally true though.

Aunt Cherie was a special person.  It was sad watching her being taken off life support after a stroke killed her brain.  Her death brought her family together.  People I hadn't seen in years came to the funeral and it was wonderful to see everyone reminiscing about the good times.  Cherie had her struggles, but she loved her family deeply.  It was a happy funeral.  Well, as happy as a funeral can be anyway.

My car is stupid.  Let's just leave it at that.  I don't even care that it's leaking all over my driveway.  It doesn't rattle or sneeze anymore so I'll just ignore it.

The boyfriend I got is pretty amazing.  He spoils Grace and me.  I'm not used to that at all.  He opens doors, holds my hand, makes me feel special, and is very patient with me.  If you know me, I'm stubborn and kind of a pain in the ass so patience is a necessity.  He lets Grace play games on his phone, shares his french fries with her, and entertains her while I'm busy.  I'm a very lucky girl.  Grace thinks he's the bee's knees too.

There you go.  You're all caught up.  Life is good.
 

Badgood

Things are kind of crappy right now.  Well, shitty to be honest. 

I've got some sick family members.  One will probably not be with us much longer and the other is facing a lifetime of excruciating pain.  I can't do anything for the one who is dying except support those who are still living and maybe try to find a home for her dog.  I'm a good hugger.  I hope that helps my loved ones.

I can help the one in pain much more.  I can cook for her, clean for her, help her walk, set out her pills, get her groceries, do her laundry, do her dishes, etc.  I will gladly do that stuff because it's so much easier than watch her go through what she's going through.  I'll do anything she needs if it means making her more comfortable so she can enjoy her life.

Also, my car is getting to be pretty dangerous to drive.  The right side of the windshield is almost always foggy.  The defrost doesn't work on that side and neither does the floor vent.  It wouldn't matter if they did work because a lovely, thick vapor comes out of the vents when I turn them on.  Well, unless it's the cold defrost and the car is constantly moving.  I know there's a coolant leak somewhere.  That's a definite.  Unfortunately, my car likes to be very expensive to fix and I can't do expensive right now.  I wish I was a good liar so my car could have an "accident."  I can't do that though.  I'd turn myself in before I even finished the job.

Lastly, my hair is being a bitch.  I normally don't care about it, but this is ridiculous.

With all this bad stuff, it's getting kind of hard to think happy thoughts.  The gloomy, misty junk outside is making it even harder.  I'm doing my best though.  I'm not dead.  That's good.  I have Grace.  She makes life good even when I'm mad at her.  I have the best friends and family.  I get mashed potatoes for lunch.  At some point, I'll get a hug today.  There.  I'm better now.  Mostly.  I'm badgood.  Better than just bad. 

BSH

The lady in green is Meghan.  She is getting married in 28 days.  I get to be in her wedding in Las Vegas.  She's pretty cool.  The lady in purple is Mo.  We almost share a birthday.  She's pretty cool, too.  The three of us have been friends since high school.  We sat together in Mr. White's Citizenship Issues class where we discovered our mutual weirdness and ability to make cardboard cars.  There, we formed our gang.  The BSH gang.  No, I will not tell you what the letters stand for.  It's a secret.  I'm pretty sure that Mr. White was thrilled when that school year ended.  I really don't remember anything he taught us, but I do remember loving the class because of the fun we had in our little area of the classroom.

On Saturday, we finally got the matching tattoos that we've been talking about getting for many years.  We would have gotten them a long ago except we couldn't decide what to get until Meghan got us matching three-peas-in-a-pod necklaces in May.  We almost immediately decided that the necklaces perfectly represented our friendship and the decision to get peas tattooed on us was made.  Fast forward a few months and off we went to the tattoo parlor where a guy tattooed and put up with us for 3 hours.  We're silly.  We talked like he wasn't there.  I sort of assumed he wasn't listening until he joined the conversation about fat cats with panuses and crazy kids. 

After the tattoos, we proceeded to get ready for Meghan's bachelorette party.  Meghan's fiance, Bryan, and Mo had a heart to heart while Meghan and I curled our hair.  It was pretty freakin' awesome.  The bachelorette party was awesome, too.  Mo and I left early so we could properly care for our children the next morning without being hungover zombies.  After this wonderful day, I am even more excited to spend 5 whole days with these ladies in Vegas.  Actually, Vegas should probably start worrying.

Lessons Learned

I learned a few things this weekend.

1)  My boss is a ninja spider killer.

2)  I'm not good at bowling, but I can be better depending on who I happen to be bowling with.  If it's not a bunch of 8 and 9 year olds laughing at me, I do much better.  Also, people falling down next to me can cause me to get a strike.  That was probably coincidence, but I'll stick with my theory.

3)  My family still thinks I'm a teenager.  I came home Friday night to my Mom, Aunt, and Uncle grilling me about where I had been.  Thanks for the concern people, but I'm 30.

4)  Grace should not stay up until the wee hours of the morning.

5)  Zombie makeup is not good for my eyes.  Neither is fire smoke.  A combination of the two is horrific.  I look like I spent the weekend bawling.

6)  I want a dog.

I obviously didn't learn anything monumental, but at least I learned something.  I'm going to go try to find an ice pack for my eyes. 

I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

I just had a lovely conversation with someone on the phone at work.  This is how it went:

Me:  Thank you for calling Duncan Aviation.  This is Adrienne.  How may I help you?

Caller:  Can I talk to Fred

Me:  I'm sorry, I have 2000 people here.  Do you know Fred's last name?

Caller:  No.  He's short, dark hair....gay.

(No one has ever given me this sort of description so I was a bit shocked and trying not to laugh)

Me:  I'm sorry. *giggle*  That's still not going to help.  Do you know which department he works in? *giggle*

Caller:  No, but I can tell you his boyfriend's name and which airport he works in.  His name is Dave.

Me:  Like I said, without a last name or department, I can't find who you're looking for.

Caller:  What if I tell you what he drives?

Me:  I'm sorry, that won't help either.  Hold on a minute and let me ask someone if they might know who Fred is.

I put him on hold and asked Lori if she knew anyone who fit that very detailed description.  She did and the guy doesn't work here anymore.  Unfortunately, the caller had hung up by the time I returned to the phone.

I was slightly disappointed that the guy had hung up.  I wanted to tell him I was impressed with how many details he knew about everyone except the person he was looking for.  Ok, I wouldn't have said that, but I was thinking it.

I would like all of our callers to know that I work in a very small office with a window that allows me to see the inside of a hangar.  I can see the mechanics, but rarely do they get close enough for me to see their nametags.  For any physical description you give me, there are probably 50 guys that fit it.  You give me a first name, there are probably at least 2 people with that name.  Also, I don't know if anyone here is gay.  I'm locked in this tiny office and don't get out much.  I don't care if they're gay anyway. 

Today is Fantastic

Today is absolutely wonderful.  After a week of being in some serious pain from stupid teeth, I am finally pretty pain free.  That might have something to do with the painkillers, but whatever.  The painkillers are making this day a little more fun.  Don't worry, I won't be taking anymore so I can drive home safely.

It's Thursday and I'm wearing jeans at work, but not because I'm rebellious.  It's just a team appreciation day so they let us wear comfy clothes for an extra day.  I'm shocked at the amount of people still wearing uniforms.  Seems silly to me.  Maybe they don't like jeans as much as I do.  I love them.  As part of team appreciation day, they're also giving us free food.  I usually get excited about free food, but since I didn't eat much the past few days due to the tooth pain, I'm super excited about this.  SUPER excited.

Also, I just found out I have more money than I thought I did which means taking my car to the shop is a little less scary.  I need to get this car fixed soon because I'm pretty sure it'll blow up if I don't.  That would be bad.

Today is my 4 month of no smoking anniversary.  I can't believe I've made it this far.  I haven't cheated even though I've wanted to really bad.  Every single day. 

It's another day closer to Saturday and that means another day closer to Meghan's bridal shower.  This isn't going to be your typical shower.  I've been looking forward to it for quite awhile and I'm not normally a shower type of girl.  I made something special for her and I can't wait until she sees it.

Grace and I got in an argument this morning.  It's hard to argue with a 9 year old through texting.  She wanted to wear high heels to school.  I just bought her a pair of dress shoes with a very small heel.  She knows they're not for school but she kept begging.  I threatened to ground her.  She said she didn't care if she was grounded as long as she could wear the shoes.  So, I told her I'd ground her until Monday so she couldn't go to the shower and I'd throw the shoes away.  She quit arguing immediately and said she loved me.  She better not have worn those shoes.

Books, Hair Cuts, and Failed C25K

Grace's first week of school went very well.  She got homework and did it quickly and correctly.  She behaved herself and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of school. She got to bring home a book from the classroom library.  The books are generally to stay in the classroom, but her teacher let her bring one home.  Grace chose "Matilda."  She read all 240 pages in 2 days.  I'm not sure I've ever read a book in 2 days.  I'm very proud of my child.  She spent time in the car, at the hardware store, and at home reading.  She even set up a comfy reading spot in the shopping cart:

As I was looking in her school planner, I noticed a little note:

She was really upset that she didn't get math homework this weekend.  Again, I love my child and so proud of her.  I believe she will go far in this world.

On a completely different note, I got my hairs cut.  I like my hair long, but it gets stupid and starts falling out once it gets as long as my shoulders.  So, off went 4 inches:

Lastly, I started the C25K program last week.  Actually, I thought I started it, but really I started some weird version my brain created while reading the directions.  I was a little ticked off when I went to look at week 2's directions and realized that I had messed up.  So, technically I started the C25K program yesterday.  My version was much easier.  

First Day

Grace was so excited for her first day of 4th grade that she woke up at 6:45 am.  Her alarm was set for 7:45 am and she scared the beans out of me when she walked out of her room early.  She was grinning from ear to ear.  She immediately began getting ready for school even though she didn't have to leave for 2 more hours.  She'd had me put her hair in braids the night before so it would be "poufy" and wavy.  We took the braids out and to my surprise, her hair looked really pretty.  I was expecting extreme wildness.

After taking the braids out, she went to get dressed in her new, first-day-of-school outfit.  The shorts were too big.  Thank goodness for adjustable waists.  The shirt was a lovely purple thing with a big, sequined star on the front.  The sequins were reversible.  Put them one way and they're silver.  The other way, they're purple.  Grace decided on silver.  She slipped on her glittery, silver shoes and put a purple hair accessory in her hair.  She was ready.

On to breakfast.  I'd set out a bowl of oatmeal with some cinnamon and sugar in it and a premeasured cup of water next to it with directions on how to make oatmeal.  Grace had never done this and she was supposed to wake up after I left for work.  I watched her stir the water into the oatmeal and carefully put the bowl in the microwave.  She followed directions very well.  I left her before the oatmeal was finished, but she claimed it was good.

This was the first time I left my little girl at home to take care of herself and get to school on her own.  I knew she'd do just fine, but she's still my baby so I still worried.  I'd gotten her a cheap phone to use to let me know she'd made it to school and home from school safely.  I set an alarm on the phone to ring when it was time for her to get her backpack and head to school.  She forgot about the alarm and texted me at 7:45 am saying she was heading to school.  My phone was "updating" so I couldn't text her back and tell her she was too early.  Once at the school, she realized she was early and texted me asking what to do.  Right at that moment, the updating was over and I could respond.  She ended up hanging out with the principal until school started.  I'm glad the principal was outside.

After school, she texted me to tell me she was going to go to the neighbor's house.  I asked her if the neighbor was home.  She didn't respond for a very long time.  Almost 15 minutes.  In those 15 minutes, my heart raced, I panicked, almost drove home to see if she was alive, and cleaned my co worker's desk to keep myself from text-yelling at her.

Once I got home from work, I relaxed.  I could see for myself that my little girl had survived her first day of 4th grade and being home alone.  I really knew she would be.  I knew she'd be playing with the neighbor anyway.  The neighbor is a smart, responsible girl.  I just need to learn how to calm down.

Overall, Grace had a great day and I didn't cry and run home to make sure she was ok.  She was really worn out by the end of the day and went to bed with no argument.  That's rare.

Eye Vitamins and Fiber

Every weekend, my Mom and I trade off taking my Grandma grocery shopping and running errands.  This past Saturday was my turn.  I was irritable and she was argumentative.  Not a good way to start.

The first stop at the grocery store was the vitamin section.  She was upset that she had missed the vitamin sale earlier in the week so she was going to have to pay full price.  She'd find what she needed and then make me figure out which one was the most economical.  The last vitamin she needed was Lutein.  She was told by her doctor that she needed to take this since her mother had macular degeneration.  Lutein is very expensive.  My Grandma was very upset about this and let me know it.  She told me I need to be taking this stuff, too.  I told her that I asked my eye doctor if I needed to take it and he told me that there would be absolutely no benefit.  My Grandma's response was, "Well, was he an actual Opthamologist because my Opthomologist is the one who told me we need to take it."  There was a very childish tone in her voice.  I said, "Yes Grandma.  He was."  She was not pleased.  The pharmacist was holding back laughter.  I think she knew I was right.

After the vitamin argument, we continued on to the groceries.  My Grandma usually has her grocery list pretty well organized.  She did not organize this time.  I was running all over the store getting stuff for her and getting very frustrated.  The pre-made margaritas and daiquiris strategically placed on displays around the store were looking very tempting.  We entered the cereal aisle to get my Grandma's Fiber One cereal.  She was complaining about the price but said she had to get it because her doctor told her she needs to eat it every single day.  I pointed out the store brand fiber cereal that looks like twigs and told her that if she gets that and puts her morning fruit in it, it would be just as good as the Fiber One and would be half the price.  I pulled it down and showed her that it had 14g of fiber and no sugar.  She said, "That's not as much fiber as Fiber One."  I yanked down the Fiber One and in a short tone said, "This only has 11g of fiber and 7g of sugar.  The cheap stuff is better for you and much cheaper."  She snatched the store brand out of my hand and threw it in her cart.  There was a man standing behind her.  He was laughing at us.  A lot.  I'm glad we could entertain someone.

Two hours after arriving at the grocery store, we were finally in the checkout.

Not So Baby Gracie

My baby starts 4th grade in a few days.  The start of each school year is bittersweet.  It's hard to realize that the little girl I had is slowly slipping away, but wonderful to realize what an incredible person she's turning into.  I am very lucky.  My daughter is intelligent, funny, kind, creative, and beautiful.  I'm not biased either.  She also makes a killer peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  She's great.  She knows how to charm anyone she comes into contact with and she takes very good care of me when I don't feel well...unless I steal the couch.  

My daughter is also very strong willed.  She got that from me.  I should be grateful for this and I am, but unfortunately, it causes a lot of fights.  Two strong willed people who want different things can cause some pretty explosive fights.  She has her own idea of how things should be done, but I know the right way.  I'm older so I've had a chance to figure out how to do things.  Instead of letting her experiment with doing things her way until she realizes my way is easier, I just keep harping at her to do it my way.  I should quit doing that.  My way might actually not be easier for her.  Her way might be easier for me, too.  I'm not very patient either.  I should slow down.  A lot of times, slowing down isn't an option when you're a single parent.

Most of the time, Grace and I are a happy family.  We can look at one another and burst into uncontrollable laughter for absolutely no reason.  She knows I love her and I know she loves me, even when we're screaming at each other.  At the end of the day, she still wants her mommy when she has a nightmare and I still kiss her goodnight and tell her I love her even when I'm really mad.  On the rare occasion that Grace is at a friend's house or at her dad's, I miss her terribly.

She's a good egg.

I'm Broke but I Don't Mind

I'm broke this summer.  More so than I thought.  I've been broke before and I know it takes some creativity to survive.  I decided to start with food.  I will be making all of our meals at home for the next month until my financial situation improves.  I checked all the ads for our local grocery stores and made a grocery list based off what was on sale.  I color coded the list so I knew which foods were on sale at which grocery store.  I didn't buy anything just because it was on sale, but because I knew I could use it.  I don't normally buy a whole lot of meat, but I did this time because it was cheap and I can make it go a long way.  All I need to do now is get a new crock pot because mine decided to crap out on me yesterday.

For Sunday breakfast, I made what was supposed to be an egg casserole, but it ended up being exactly like a quiche without the crust.  I'm really not sure what the difference is between a casserole and a quiche.  Either way, it was surprisingly delicious and cost maybe $1 per serving.  I haven't made a nice breakfast in quite awhile so this was nice.

Here is a picture and the recipe:

Serves 8

Ingredients:
8 eggs
8 slices cheese about 1/8" thick
4 slices fairly thin sliced ham
1/4 c milk
1 small onion, diced
2 cups vegetables such as mushrooms and bell pepper
Salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

1)  Preheat oven to 350° and grease a 9" pie plate
2)  Line the bottom of the pie plate with the sliced ham
3)  Evenly arrange the onion, vegetables, and cheese on the ham
4)  Whisk together the eggs, milk, salt, and pepper until thoroughly beaten
5)  Pour egg mixture into pie plate
6)  Bake 30-40 minutes or until center is no longer runny

This turns out to be cheap, quick to prepare, tasty, and pretty healthy.  If you use lean ham and skim milk, it ends up being around 180 calories per serving and it's packed with protein.

I really enjoy cooking but don't do it much because I don't like cleaning up.  I got burned out after cooking for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter and my family helped clean up those messes!  I'm going to have to suck it up and do it anyway.  Even if it means doing dishes and cleaning things up 4 times in one weekend.  My Great Grandma did this every single day.  I should quit being a pansy and do it.  Homemade food is healthier, cheaper, and provides family bonding time when we eat together.

Coffee and Rain

I stopped at my favorite coffee shop this morning to get my usual 20 oz nonfat latte.  I don't stop too often because I have only been able to turn down the delicious baked goods once.  Today makes twice.  I opted for a container of fresh fruit instead.  It just looked pretty.  I should have taken a picture.  Anyway, one of my coworkers walked into my office as I was devouring my delicious strawberries, cantaloupe, and pineapple.  He jokingly told me I need to eat healthier.  I told him that I would be eating my weight in spaghetti later today.  He said, "That's a lot of spaghetti!"  Immediately after the words came out of his mouth, he looked terrified.  As he started stammering, it dawned on me that he thought I thought he meant I was fat.  Well, in my opinion, eating a baby's weight in spaghetti is a heck of a lot of spaghetti.  So, eating MY weight is nearly unfathomable.  He quickly exited my office.  I think I'll let him think I'm mad at him for a bit.

The weather people say it's going to rain this afternoon/night.  It has been 32 days since we have had any measurable rain.  We got about 40 large drops a week or so ago.  That's it.  Everything is brown except the weeds.  They've predicted rain a couple times in the past month, but the rain has failed to fall.  With this prediction of rain comes the promise of slightly cooler temperatures.  Just the small hope that we'll have at least one day under 100 degrees has greatly improved attitudes.  For the past few weeks, people have been downright mean.  Me included.  So, for the sake of all humanity, I really hope it rains and cools off a few degrees!

Lessons in Kindness and Hate With a Side of Danger

The other day, 3 masked men broke into a woman's home and brutally attacked her for the sole reason that she is lesbian.  They somehow think that just because the woman likes other women, that gave them the right to strip her, tie her up, carve obscenities into her skin, write obscenities on her walls, and try to light her house on fire.  Everyone has the right to their own opinions but not the right to hurt anyone because of them.  The thought of this woman's attack makes me want to hunt down the perpetrators and teach them a lesson in kindness.

Speaking of kindness, Grace is learning that just because someone is mean to her, she shouldn't be mean to them.  I remember being a kid and trying to figure this one out.  The problem always was that the mean kids never got caught being mean, but the nice kids always got caught treating the mean kids the way they treated everyone else.  Does that make sense?  It's not fair but that's the way it's been since the beginning of time.  Grace is at the age where girls really start being cruel.  I'm trying to teach her that she will not feel good about herself if she's being mean to anyone, including the mean girls.  I've told her that she can think anything she wants about anyone, but she needs to keep the bad thoughts in her head or in a journal.  Growing up is really hard.

On a completely different note, I've been driving past this sign everyday for weeks.  It says "DANGER DO NOT ENTER."  I can't figure out what the danger is.  This is the only sign so I'm guessing it's only dangerous to enter from this side.  It's been a source of great confusion for many weeks now.  Someday, I will figure out what the big danger is.  Until then, I will have to contain my urge to walk right past that danger sign just in case the property is booby trapped.  I don't want to lose a leg or anything.

 

Monday Ponderings

I had a wonderful weekend.  I spent a good amount of time at the pool with my daughter.  We swam-raced, played tag, did flips in the water, and had an all around good time.  I danced in the water and Grace reminded me that dancing in public is not allowed unless she has given me prior permission.  I danced anyway.  She also educated me in "pool love."  It's a crush that forms at the pool.  She caught "pool love" but not the boy's name.  This happened twice.  I also managed to slightly tan my legs.  This has happened one other time in my life.  I think.  Maybe not even once.  They'll be bright white again by this afternoon.

I got a new swimming suit that actually fits.  If you're looking to get yourself a new suit and don't want to spend a lot of money, I suggest JC Penney.  Walmart is down to a couple of funky one pieces and all of the 2 piece tops are extra small and the bottoms are size 3x.  I'm not sure how that happened.  Target's selection isn't that great either.  I couldn't find a decent suit for less than $50.  I'm cheap and that's too expensive.  Anyway, I found a lovely one piece that covers all my lumps and chub.  Unlike many females I saw this weekend, I prefer to keep that stuff covered.  Not because I'm ashamed of it, but because I know other people don't want to see it.  Props to those ladies for not giving a rat's ass what other people might think.

I followed a fire truck and ambulance all the way from downtown to the airport today.  I didn't do it on purpose.  They just happened to be driving all the way across town at the same time as me.  As I was driving behind them, I started thinking about the fires in the sandhills and how miserable the firefighters must be.  I've been thinking for a long time that I want to get a job doing art with nursing home residents.  I changed my mind this morning.  I want to go around and take care of the emergency workers who are saving lives.  I like to cook.  Maybe the city would hire me to cook meals at a fire station.  I really feel like my job should be doing good for other people who are doing good things.  Answering the phones and helping customers reach someone to install wi-fi on their multimillion dollar aircraft is not what I was meant to do.  It's a good job and I have a good time at work, but it's not what I was meant to do.  I need to be up and moving around and contributing to society.  Unfortunately, I don't have a college education and I'm not sure how to go about doing this stuff while getting good benefits and making a living wage.

I want it to cool off a wee bit because I've been coming across some delicious looking recipes and it's too hot to cook.  I'm scared if I turn on the oven, my air conditioner will go into overdrive (more so than it already is) and give out.  It's not a valid fear.  The air conditioner is young.  It can handle it, but I'd rather not wear it out any faster.  I'm trying to figure out how to make these things in the microwave.

I've just heard that the excessive heat warning has been extended until Wednesday.  Yay.  Good thing I've already told myself that it's going to stay this hot until October.  It'll be a wonderful surprise if it happens to cool off sooner.

I don't like Healthy Choice Asian Potstickers.  They made me gag a little.

Happy Monday!

No Tumors!

Hey, I don't have a tumor.  Did you read that right?  I'll repeat it.  I DON'T HAVE A TUMOR!!!

I have a confession to make regarding this subject.  I was really worried that Garbanzo had resurrected.  Some of the symptoms had returned and I was petrified that I was going to have to waste more of my life dealing with the bastard.  My Mama told me that I should have told her I was worried instead of getting bitchy and not telling her why.  After 30 years with me, she still hasn't learned to translate my various forms of bitchyness.  She should work on that.  Or I should work on that.  Or both.

Learning that Garbanzo has remained dead has paved the way for an outstanding weekend.  I had already planned a good weekend despite what my test results said, but now I can truly enjoy it.  There will be lots of swimming involved.  I will ignore the fact that it's deathly hot outside and enjoy the sun and water and my kid.  Something different should happen this weekend as well because my Chinese fortune said so.

I hope you all enjoy a happy and silly weekend!!!

Color Run

The Color Run was Saturday in Omaha.  After hunting down a car to borrow that has working A/C, the near possibility that my beloved friends wouldn't make it, and gearing up with white clothes, pink lipstick, and a purple bandanna, we headed to Omaha.

Once there, we got in the incredibly long line to start the run.  They let people start in "waves" of 1000.  We were in the 10th wave.  Each wave started between 5-10 minutes apart.  We stood in some serious heat for a seriously long time, but I didn't mind.  Sweat was nothing compared to what I was about to get myself into.  I was having a good time, too.  I was thoroughly entertained looking at all the costumes people wore.  My favorite was the cheetah print, spandex body suit bravely worn by a young man.  He had a matching sweatband.

Finally, it was our turn to go.  Mo and Kyler sprinted way ahead of us.  I walked with Kenny, Mae, my Mom, and Grace.  We were soon pelted with lots of pink dust.  Then blue.  We neared a water station with happiness because we were very thirsty.  To our great disappointment, they had run out of water.  We continued on through the yellow to the next water station where they had a plentiful supply.  Wait.  Maybe the yellow was after the water.  I was so thirsty, I can't remember.  Mae drank at least 5 cups though.  Grace shared her extra cup with me.  The water renewed our energy and we continued our trek to the orange with the promise that there was a ton of water at the end of the run.  Along the way, we found sprinklers which the girls enjoyed.  By the way, there was no water at the end.

The orange was my least favorite.  Not only because the sweat made it turn a funky brown, but because I had myself an accident.  I was walking backwards trying to encourage Grace who was very worn out.  I didn't realize that Mae was right behind me, rolling on the ground to cover herself in as much orange as possible.  I tripped over her and landed flat on my back on the concrete.  I was really worried that I had hurt Mae and Kenny was really worried because I had hit my head...and elbows...and everything else.  Mae and I both jumped up with great speed and agility.  She was not hurt.  I wasn't sure if I was hurt and began walking again with Kenny making me wiggle my fingers to check for broken arm bones and asking me repeatedly if I was sure my head was ok.  In hindsight, I probably should have headed straight to the medical tent to be checked out because I did hit my head pretty hard.  I think I'm ok though.  My elbows are bruised and sore and I've got a good case of whiplash, but I'm not dead.

In the end, all the sweat, lack of water, and injuries were totally worth it.  I didn't think so right away, but then I saw the pictures and we all look pretty darn happy.  Now, I wish I could do this everyday.

The 4th of July

It was not a good day.  I had been anticipating the date for 2 whole weeks.  That was how long Grace had been at her dad's in Arizona and how long I had anxiously awaited her return.  She was due to land in Omaha midafternoon.  I had a lovely afternoon/evening planned out.  Dinner, snuggles, and fireworks were on the agenda.  Those plans were thrown out the window.

When I woke up that morning, I had a horrible feeling that something was not right.  I tried to tell myself the bad feeling was just nervousness and excitement.  I should know by now to trust my gut.  At about noon, I went to get a rental car so that I could get to the Omaha airport to get Grace.  My car is not trustworthy at this time and the a/c isn't reliable.  My rental car company of choice wouldn't give me a car because I couldn't pass their mandatory credit check for debit card users.  My credit is good enough to get a car loan, but not rent a car.  I went to my second company of choice with the assumption that I would not be getting a rental car because last time I went there, they held an extra $500 on my debit card.  I didn't have quite that much.  Luckily, they changed their rules and I was able to get the car.  I thought that was going to be the only glitch and was the cause of my uneasiness, but my uneasiness didn't subside.

On the way home from getting the rental car, my Mom's phone rang.  It was Grace's father.  His wife had messed up the flight time and Grace was going to miss her flight.  He didn't know if he was going to be able to get Grace on a later flight and made sure to mention that it was going to cost him quite a bit of money if he could.  Like we cared.  His wife messed up.  Not us.  Not Grace.  He called back a few minutes later to say he got Grace on a later flight that would land at midnight and it cost him $200.  He's lucky he talked to my Mom and not me because I would have started a fight.

Grace was very upset because she was so homesick and just wanted to come home.  I was very upset because I missed her so much and had such a wonderful day planned for her.  In the end, she made it home.  Yes, it was no longer the 4th of July, but she was home.  She got to snuggle me and I got to snuggle her.

The wife has yet to apologize.  I don't expect an apology either.  I'm not sure she even knows what an apology is.

June 26, 2000

My best friend, Jade, was driving my car because it was her turn to be designated driver.  Actually, it was mine but we had switched because she wanted to drink the night before.  We were too young to drink, but at least we were smart about it.  Around 1am, the 5 occupants of my car decided to go to "Rollercoaster Hill."  We were in a small town and that was really the only thing to do.  It was a very steep hill.  The rules were that you drove up the least steep of the two sides and down the steeper side.  It felt like a rollercoaster.  I told Jade she could go 30mph up that hill and then decided it was too fast and told her to slow down to 15mph.  She cooperated.  As we reached the crest of the hill, a 2 door Chevy Blazer came flying over the other side at around 70mph.  They became airborne and landed on the front of my car.

I don't remember the sound of our vehicles colliding and meshing into one.  I don't remember feeling my bones break or anyone screaming.  I just remember gasping as I saw the front of the Blazer.  Their headlights were off.

I'm sure I lost consciousness for a bit, but I can't be sure.  At some point, someone asked me if I was ok.  I told them I was, even though it should have been clear to them that I wasn't.  I was blood soaked and very obviously seriously injured.  Whoever asked me if I was ok quickly disappeared.  I put my hand on my forehead.  I can't describe what I felt without feeling sick, or without making anyone reading this sick.  I'm just glad that at the time, my brain didn't process it and I thought it was only a small cut.  I remember thinking that I was going to be in a lot of trouble for letting someone else drive my car.

The guy who was sitting in the middle of my back seat, right next to me, began climbing out the rear windshield.  I tried to get him to stay in the car, but he wouldn't listen.  I climbed out after him, trying to reason with him.  I didn't realize then that he had broken every bone in his face and wasn't thinking clearly.  I collapsed next to the car because my leg would not hold me up.  The shock prevented me from feeling pain so I didn't know my leg was broken.  I didn't know my hand and wrist were broken either.

I landed on my hands and knees when I collapsed.  I looked up at Jade.  She was smiling, but she wasn't moving.  I rolled over and blacked out.

At about 4am, the police finally showed up.  We were on an Indian Reservation and when they got the call that there was a wreck, they didn't think it was a big deal so they didn't show up for 2 hours.  It ended up being the worst wreck the law enforcement officers had seen and they had seen some doozies.  "Rollercoaster Hill" was in the middle of nowhere so when the townsfolk started showing up to see what happened, the law couldn't turn them away.  They needed the light from their headlights.  I don't know how long it took from the time they showed up until I got loaded into an ambulance.  I do know that they wanted to put me on a helicopter and I yelled at them and refused.  Medical helicopters are for critically injured people.  I was not going to die so I didn't need it.

I was hours away from home.  My Mom didn't know if I was alive or dead or where I was.  She knew which direction I was in, but not the town or anything.  Her friend picked her up and they started driving.  Eventually, they found me.  I had a broken femur, broken wrist, multiple broken hand bones, and was half scalped.  In the end, I had about 65 staples in my thigh from where they put a titanium rod in my femur, and over 200 stitches in my body.  Half of those were in my forehead.  And Jade was dead.

The driver of the Blazer was drunk, but thanks to sketchy law enforcement, his blood test was changed and he was never charged.  I fought hard to recover.  I wanted to give up many times, but I was young and knew I had a long life ahead of me and wanted to enjoy it as much as possible.  So, I did the physical and occupational therapies.  I gave it everything I had.  I did as much on my own as possible.  The anger I had at not being able to do some things for myself gave me the drive to keep going.  I made it.  I can walk.  I can run.

The memories can make me cry if I let them.  Emergency sirens and helicopters still make my heart race from time to time, but I'm alive.  The drunk driver may have gotten away, but I won because I still get to wake up everyday.  I got to have a baby and now I get to watch her grow up.  I have had thousands of wonderful experiences in the 12 years since I almost died.  The drunk driver can't take that from me.  So, even though it really sucks that I had to go through this and I will always have the memories, I'm happy because I survived.

Steamy

That's the best way to describe the weather in Nebraska right now.  It's that time of year where I am permanently stuck to my desk by sweat and bugs infiltrate my office.  There will soon be a wide variety of bugs in here varying from crickets to new breeds of beetles.  I stepped on a beetle once, but I won't do that again.  It was some sort of stink beetle that caused the worst stink to permeate the walls of my office.  I had to wash the stink off my shoe and scrub down everything in sight.  I don't remember what that beetle looked like so I'll never step on another one again.  I also can't stand the crunchy noise they make when they squish.

The heat is a completely different story.  In Nebraska, we have a special kind of heat.  It's hotter than Hades and humid like the Everglades, but we're nowhere near the ocean.  We also have wind.  Hot, painful wind that blows so hard you can barely keep your feet on the ground.  This is the kind of heat that drains the energy out of most people.  This time of year, you can find many Nebraskans shuffling down the street, panting for air, and trying not to die.  The smart ones are all inside somewhere with functioning air conditioning.  That somewhere is definitely not my office.  The air conditioner works, but not well.  I work in a tin hangar with no insulation.  It heats up in here like a microwave.  The air conditioner can't keep up.  I'm sure adding a little insulation in the walls would be worth the money and a lot cheaper in the long run.  But, what do I know?  I'm just a phone operator.

That's enough complaining.  I must enjoy today because even though it's hot, I have my baby one more day before I have to put her on a plane all by herself to fly 1000 miles away to visit her father.  She's old enough to not be called a baby, but she'll always be MY baby, even when she's 100.

Also today, I'm sportin' some brand new, fancy, computer spectacles.  Wanna see?  Here you go:

I will only be wearing these while working on the computer.  I once had glass chunks in my eye and ever since then, I've had a deep seeded fear of anything near my eyes.  Even my own fingers scare me sometimes.

Is it really that bad?

I was having a sort of pity party earlier.  I have a jackass neighbor who won't leave me alone and I spilled sweet and sour chicken on my new skirt.  I decided to get on Craigslist to check out the bikes and realized they have a "jewelry" category as well.  There were many postings of engagement and wedding rings.  Some people just listed the asking price.  Some went into detail about why they're selling the rings.  Some were dumped, some were desperately broke, some were the dumpers.  It made me realize that I'm not too bad off.  I came up with a list of good things I've got going on that those people probably don't.  Here it is:

1)  My heart isn't broken and I haven't broken anyone else's recently.
2)  I'm not rich by any means, but I'm not broke.
3)  I got to eat an m&m cookie today.
4)  I can dance and sing and throw things at my coworker all day and not get in trouble...until he shoots rubber bands at me.
5)  I get to try booby trap making tonight.  I've never made a booby trap and I'm pretty excited.
6)  I'm not on fire.  Saw an article yesterday about a guy who set his ex-lady friend on fire.  That would suck.
7)  I woke up this morning.  That's always good.
8)  My body is fully functional.
9)  It might rain tonight.  I wouldn't mind a good rain.
10)  I should probably have mentioned this first.  Grace.  I have her and that can make the worst day good.  Even when she's throwing a fit or giving me a wedgie.

Not ALL of June is bad

In my last post, I said that pretty much all of the worst things in my life have happened in June.  I forgot to mention that one of the absolute best things in my life happened in June, too.  A year ago today to be exact.  Before June 7th, 2011, I had a prolactinoma.  That's a tumor that produces prolactin.  If you don't know, prolactin is a hormone.  These tumors are located on the pituitary gland which dangles from your brain.  This tumor was the size of a garbanzo bean and so it was named Garbanzo.  There was also a cyst up there and it was named Cysta Wife.  She didn't do much.  Just pushed on things she shouldn't have pushed on.  Anyway, this tumor was a royal pain in the ass.  It made me exhausted, fat, and caused some serious mood swings.  This went on for years before it was discovered that these doo dads were hanging out up in my head.

On this date last year, some fine doctors at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN knocked me out, poked through my sinuses, and extracted Garbanzo and Cysta Wife.  Since then, I've dropped over 30 pounds, I wake up most days and get out of bed without wanting to cry from exhaustion, and I don't have any more mood swings than anyone else.  I get home from work and do housework or yard work instead of sitting on the couch in a daze.  I'm normal.  My normal.  I'm pretty darn happy.  Life is good and a hell of a lot easier than it was a year and one day ago.   

June

June is my least favorite month.  Most of the really bad things that have happened in my life, have happened in June.  Two friends died, I should have died, and I found a loved one while they were dying from a suicide attempt.  She didn't succeed.  I'm always on edge during this month.  I try not to worry, but the doom and gloom have a habit of sneaking back in.  I try to keep my family and friends nearby.  Unfortunately, that's not working so well.  My Mom and a friend are driving to Missouri in two weeks and the day after they leave, I have to put my baby on a plane by herself to fly to Arizona.  I'm terrified.  I'm going to have to ask my dead friends to keep my family safe while they're travelling.  Good things seem to happen when I talk to my dead friends.  Maybe I should do that everyday in the month of June.  Might end up making it a good month.

Smart phones and super heroes

I got a Droid.  It's fancy.  Much fancier than me.  I've had a few panic attacks while trying to figure it out.  Mostly because of the weird and horrifically loud noises it made whenever I touched anything.  Thank you to my boss for helping me yesterday.  I can now listen to Pandora which is pretty fantastic, I can check the weather which is one of my favorite things to do, and I can play on Pinterest which makes me really happy.  The phone and I are getting used to one another and I think we might become friends.  Eventually.  I feel like it's got a brain and so it should have a name.  Any suggestions?

Now, onto the super heroes...
I took Grace to see The Avengers last weekend.  I've never been a super hero type of girl, but that movie changed me.  I am now super hero obsessed.  I even have Avengers ringtones on my phone.  It makes me giggle to wake up to the theme song.  I blame Thor and Iron Man.  They were hilarious.  I think I might be entering nerd territory.  That's ok with me.   

Adrienne to the rescue!!!

While at the ATM the other day, I observed what appeared to be smoke in the mulch next to the parking lot of the bank.  I would not have noticed this if it weren't for my driver's window being inoperable, thus causing me to get out of my car.  I got my money and ventured over to the smoke billowing from the ground.  In the few seconds it took to get to the fire, I was really hoping that it wasn't smoke but water from a malfunctioning sprinkler.  Nope.  There were flames and no water.  With the speed of a cheetah, I grabbed the full bottle of water from my car and doused the flames.  I was feeling pretty satisfied with myself until it dawned on me that it was a very hot, dry, and windy day.  The mulch could still be smoldering underneath and reignite.  So, I called the fire department.  They put more water on it and declared it safe while I stood there wondering if they thought it was me that started the fire.  I don't think they did because I haven't been investigated by the authorities...yet.  Either way, if I hadn't noticed that fire, it could have gotten really big and spread to the bank and the bank could have gone up in flames.  So, I think the bank should give me some money.  So what if the fire was no bigger than a pop can? 

That's better

My doctor gave me some medicine to "take the edge off" of my non-smoking emotional instability.  I must say that the medicine is doing a wonderful job.  I now have control over my emotions once again.  It's a relief.  I'm pretty sure Grace is thrilled about this.  I feel a little funny though.  Oddly calm.  I'm not used to this, but I think I like it.

Yesterday was Grace's last day of school.  Her whole grade had a field trip to the park and a nature center.  I volunteered to be a chaperon.  It was a lot of fun.  I picked a spot to hang out by the tire swing because I knew that where there is a tire swing, there will be drama.  All the kids wanted on the tire swing at one time.  If they wouldn't take turns, I threatened to kick them all off the swing and not let them back on.  They actually listened which shocked the heck out of me.  I'm glad they listened because I would have jumped on the swing myself and stuck my tongue out at them and Grace wouldn't have liked that.

After a bit on the playground, we all walked to the nature center.  There was a boy who had an allergic reaction of some sort during this walk.  One of his eyes started swelling pretty bad.  Just the one eye.  I ran to my car and got an ice pack out of my lunch bag.  I felt like supermom for having something first aid-ish until I realized that the ice pack was half melted and the size of the kid's face.  He was not thrilled, but it helped.  By the end of the hike, both eyes were swollen, but just a little.

At the end of the nature hike, I noticed that Grace had a tick in her hair.  I quickly yanked it out.  The presence of one tick made a few kids nervous and they asked me to check their hair as well.  So, I picked through sweaty hair in pursuit of 8 legged, flat, gross bugs.  I didn't find any.  I hope I didn't miss them.

After such a busy and exhausting week, I am ready for a 3 day weekend.  Let's hope it is somewhat calm. 

Kind of a weird day

I have to say that today has been a bit on the weird side.  I woke up with a migraine.  I'm a tough cookie so I came to work and held off on taking the Imitrex almost all day.  Shortly after I got to work, I learned that there was a giant house fire in town.  Turns out, that house was occupied by an old friend of mine, her twin girls, and her fiance.  They lost everything.  And she's 5 months pregnant and going to school full time.  Not cool.  Shortly before lunch, my Grandma's pharmacy was robbed.  The pharmacy is close to my daughter's school and it prompted a lock-down.  I will admit that my heart stopped when I heard about that.  Everyone is ok, thank goodness.  Last, and not least, my doctor said I'm normal.  This whole crazy Adrienne thing is ok.  My brain just loved nicotine a heck of a lot and needs some extra time to cope with the loss.  My doctor gave me something to take the edge off.  Between that and the Imitrex that I finally took, I'm feeling pretty good and want to go deliver hugs to those people who had a tough day.

Donuts!

I've been feeling mighty crazy since I quit smoking.  Instead of the crazy feelings ceasing, they are getting worse.  Don't worry though.  I'm going to the doctor and he'll make me all better.  I hope...for the sake of the world.  I haven't really wanted to kill anyone, but I sure have wanted to do some punching and a whole lot of crying.

Anyway, I've discovered 2 good things about quitting smoking despite the crazy hell.  The first is that I smell pretty.  I really like that.  The second is that after a couple days of putting up with my pure bitchiness, Michael breaks down and throws a donut at me.  I believe he has a secret stash somewhere and I need to find it.  He knows that giving me a donut will at least shut me up for the length of time it takes me to shove the donut down my gullet.  I've noticed that the donuts are getting bigger...

I really do learn something new everyday

Today, I learned that if the American Flag touches the ground for any reason, it must be properly destroyed.  I think it's kind of a waste of perfectly good fabric to destroy the flag when it touched the ground by accident or force of Mother Nature.  The flagpole at work was broken during a storm over the weekend and the flag fell.  It's not like anything purposely tried to desecrate the flag.  I suppose us Americans could have pissed off Mother Nature and she could have done it on purpose.  But, what do I know?  I also learned that the flag must be folded in a triangle like the military folds them before it can be destroyed.  After a bit of Googling, we figured out exactly how to do that and a coworker and I set to work folding it perfectly.  Sort of.  We did our best, but it wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  I'm sure someone could have us arrested for flag desecration.

I think he heard me wrong...

I said, "I think my kid is starting puberty."  Michael thought I said, "I think my tit is starting puberty."  He then changed the subject to taking disco dancing lessons with his sister in the 70's.

In other news, my house has become a home for temporarily homeless living creatures.  For a few weeks I had a 16 year old girl who stayed with me most nights of the week while her dad worked weird hours.  She was fun.  She let me beat her with a hockey stick, but only when she was wearing her full hockey padding.  I'm not sure if that's fair.  I'm sure the neighbors were concerned when they saw me beating her, too.  Oh well.  Now, I have a dog.  She's very little.  Maybe 1/4th of the weight of my cat.  The cat is not happy about the dog.  The dog looks like a tiny wookie.  She is my uncle's dog.  He neglected to tell me until minutes before he boarded an airplane that sometimes the dog gets constipated and you have to help her get it out.  It's going to be a long weekend.  By the way, I will not be helping the dog crap.  I'll sit outside as long as it takes, but she can do the dirty work on her own.

Funny Unconsciousness

I put on the medium strength nicotine patch today in a desperate attempt to get some relief from this nicotine withdrawal crap.  It's been hell.  Within minutes of putting on the patch, I felt great.  I felt like me again.  It was awesome!  Fast forward a couple hours and I was shaky, queasy, and could barely sit up.  I ripped the patch off because I feared that I would pass out at my desk and that would lead to a series of events that would probably be hilarious...to everyone but me.  This is what would happen:

I'd fall out of my chair.  As I was falling, the chair would roll away and I would smash my face on the desk, wall, and floor.  If I was lucky, Michael would be interested enough by the sounds of my body hitting things to look over the cubicle wall.  In this case, he would shriek like a girl and probably pass out himself.  At this point, we have to hope that Troy is in his office and not out and about.  He would surely be able to keep his composure enough to call the First Responders.  These trained medical people would come rushing in with their medical things and possibly the defibrillator.  I would come to as they got my vitals and waited for the ambulance while laughing at my unconscious gaseous expulsions.  I would look over and see Michael passed out and laugh myself into hysteria.  After all this, I would have to run away and never come back.

Shoot.  Maybe I shouldn't have taken off that patch.  I would find this funny.

Michael

Michael is my work spouse/dad.  It's an odd relationship.  He's 25 years older than me.  He can mumble some nonsensical sentence and I know exactly what he meant to say.  At one point, I even knew all of his old man prescriptions.  He's a special case.  We spend a lot of time laughing which is good because we work in a very small office.  Just the two of us.  I can do anything I want in this office except fart.  That proves to be difficult sometimes.

Last weekend, his roommate went out of town and Michael told me he would probably text me a few times so I'd know he was alive.  He has a paranoia that he'll die all alone and no one will find him until after his fat weiner dog, Freida, has eaten his dead body.

During his alone time, he was having some movers come move an insanely heavy cabinet of some sort.  Of course, Michael hired the company that is owned by my psychotic neighbor.  I texted Michael on Saturday to make sure he was alive because he hadn't texted me.  He said that he was fine and that the movers had just left.  He then sent these three texts about one of the movers in rapid succession:

"He fa"
"He f"
"Fuck it. he farted."

Ha!  That's what he gets for hiring a whack job to move his stuff.

Not Smoking Makes You Feel Good

At least that's what I've heard.  I really don't feel good though.  I feel like a fat, greasy, disgusting, pig.  It's been a week so the mood swings should be over, but they're not.  Honestly, I feel like I'm pregnant.  I want to do nothing but sleep and cry.  I feel like a pansy.  I've cheated death, been a single parent, and kicked a tumor's ass.  That all seems easier than quitting smoking.  Damn you, Nicotine.  You might be strong, but I'm gonna kick your ass too.

On the bright side, my lungs feel pretty good.  I ran part of a 5k this weekend and I went a whole 3 minutes before my lungs hurt which is 2 minutes and 57.5 seconds longer than when I smoked.  So, yay!